Whose Song to Sing

How does an adopted person construct their identity? In this collection of essays, Ben Wildsmith relates the key events of a turbulent life and considers the factors that shaped his nature.  

Examining notions of culture, belonging, authenticity and family, Whose Song to Sing? takes us from 1970s Birmingham to South Wales in the 2020s, via America, Australia and Thailand.  

Wildsmith offers an adoptee’s take on society – ironic and occasionally caustic – as he struggles to carve out a space within it. As family life disintegrates, he seeks refuge in culture, always returning to the songs and stories of the Valleys, the gift of his adoptive grandfather.  

We follow a path from childhood privilege to addiction and despair, before the healing power of community offers a route to happiness.  

Unflinching and frequently comic, Whose Song to Sing? shows how establishing a viable identity from uncertain materials can be a creative act, and a life’s work.  

‘“To love the valleys is to love a mottled sky,” writes Ben Wildsmith, beautifully. His memoir is a confrontationally honest and clear-eyed account of a boy damaged, a youth heartbreakingly alone, a man struggling, an addict fighting, an identity forming and reforming, all shot through with the love of music, friendship, Wales and the power of writing. It is deeply moving, piercingly acute on the political and social currents of our times, shockingly human in its self-awareness, and, often, very funny. It is driven by a wonderful feeling of someone coming home to himself the hard way, in whose song many readers will recognise their own.’

Horatio Clare, author of We Came by Sea and Running for the Hills

‘This book is everything that a memoir should be: gripping, informative, moving, hilarious, a fascinating doorway into the fun and frozen wastes of being someone else, a glimpse into a life well and vividly lived. Laceratingly intelligent, fearlessly self-analytical, it is, in part, a sequence of joyous, if hard-won, awakenings, into rugby, politics, literature, addiction, adoption, music, Welshness, love of several kinds. All praise.’

Niall Griffiths, author of Broken Ghost and Stump

‘I love a memoir and this is, quite possibly, the best one I have ever read – heartstrings suitably pulled and ribs hurting with laughter. What a life and what a writer to document it so skilfully and beautifully for us.’

Rhian Elizabeth, author of girls etc and Six Pounds Eight Ounces

‘Ben Wildsmith’s life so far – and at a mere fifty-two he’s still a bit to go – has been a tormented creative whirlwind. He’s one of the best Appalachian pickers I’ve heard outside the States, a political journalist of curiosity and scepticism and now a memoir essayist of power, entertainment and heart-wrenching recollection. His Whose Song To Sing?, which may sound like a disclosure of the life of an adoptee – and it is that – is also, magnificently, a million things more. It rolls from the socialism of Tylorstown to the renegade leftism of Solihull, from hymns and arias to rock and roll, from the Pendyrus to his grandfather’s love of rugby, from dark recollections of adopted fathers to alcoholic breakdowns, wavering recoveries, fiercely difficult work as a carer, then loss and then love. Ben’s telling of a life already further packed with incident than most of us could ever cope with is absolutely unputdownable.’

Peter Finch, author of The Literary Business and Walking the Valleys

‘It’s a basic need – to belong. Uncertainty as to where you come from, who you belong to and how you fit in can be difficult to wrestle with. This memoir contains the stories that have made Ben Wildsmith. Ben’s life is one well-lived, albeit close to various edges. The Rhondda, where Ben now lives and belongs, is fortunate to have such a talented storyteller as an adopted son.’

Leanne Wood

‘Ben Wildsmith’s charged, generous memoir listens closely to the quiet forces that shape a life: the pressures of secrecy, class and grief, and the strange architectures of power we grow up inside. Written with sharp clarity, disarming humour, and a finely tuned emotional intelligence, Whose Song to Sing? reveals how personal and national
histories braid together. A humane and brilliant book.’

Ailbhe Darcy, author of Insistence and Imaginary Menagerie

‘With moments of heart-wrenching pain, glorious humour and, ultimately, joy, this is a searingly honest rollercoaster of a memoir that will stay with the reader for a long time.’

Catrin Kean, author of Salt

‘What truly shines through Whose Song to Sing? is the author’s empathy and candour. I was deeply moved by his life experiences and reflections on our fundamental human need for love and compassion. This memoir is a triumph!’

Abeel Ameer, author of Inhale/Exile